Why Chasing 'Chemistry' Might Be Keeping Love Away

Hey friend,

When you’re heading out on a first or second date, what are you hoping for?

Most of us are out there looking for that spark, right? The electrifying attraction that makes you feel butterflies fluttering excitedly inside.

But what if I told you that spark could actually be a distraction? It might sound counter-intuitive, but hear me out.

When we talk about sparks, we usually mean that immediate, undeniable attraction or connection—maybe he’s super charismatic, incredibly good-looking, or just has that certain something that draws you in.

And that’s natural, we’re wired to be attracted to those qualities.

But here’s the catch: charisma? He’s your type? Fun conversation? He makes you laugh…?

These are great for surface level attraction, but they don’t really reveal how compatible you two are, would he be a dependable partner for the long haul, or how he handles the tougher moments in life.

We’re talking - solving problems, resolving conflicts, or even how well he supports you when life gets hard.

And honestly, those sparks aren’t only irrelevant, they can actually blind us to the qualities that really matter: shared values, emotional availability, and how well you genuinely connect as partners.

That’s why I’m here to say: sparks are overrated.

Instead of looking for that instant connection, what if you focused on getting to know the real person?

Sometimes the best relationships start with a slow burn—something that grows stronger with time and understanding, not just a flash of attraction.

Here’s the challenge: date outside your usual type, and give people a chance, even if the first date doesn’t knock your socks off.

Not everyone is great on a first date (hey, we’ve all had our awkward date moments, right?). So if you feel something—even if it’s subtle—don’t be afraid to go on that second or third date. You might discover a deeper connection that wasn’t obvious at first.

Now, I’m not saying you should keep seeing someone if there’s no chemistry at all or if you have zero shared interests...

But if you find yourself thinking, there’s something about this person that’s worth exploring, then yes, absolutely go for the second and even third date.

Because true compatibility takes time to reveal itself.

The most meaningful relationships often grow slowly, developing over time rather than exploding in that instant spark we all think we need.

So next time you’re dating, remember: slow burns can turn into the most amazing connections. You just have to give it time and not focus on looking for sparks.

Wishing you meaningful connections,

Daniel

P.S. Ever had a slow-burn relationship that surprised you? I’d love to hear about it—hit reply and let me know!