Beyond the judgement in gay spaces

In this video I posted about judgment in the gay scene, I explored why our community can sometimes feel so harsh, critical and alienating.

What I didn't fully dive into was something that's been on my mind since making that video: how do we not just survive these judgmental spaces, but actually thrive despite them?

Because here's what I've observed: The most fulfilled gay men I know aren't the ones who managed to fit perfectly into the scene's expectations (an impossible task anyway)...

The happiest, most fulfilled ones are those who deliberately created micro-communities around shared interests and values that go beyond the superficial.

Some found their people through gay sports leagues, others through book clubs, choirs, or volunteer work.

Some created or discovered online communities focused on specific interests.

What these spaces have in common is that they bring people together around something other than appearance, age, or sexual appeal.

When we connect through shared passions or values, those surface-level judgments that dominate the scene, become irrelevant.

This doesn't mean these spaces are perfect utopias free from all judgment - we're all human…

But when you're bonding over a shared love of hiking or discussing a great book, there's less room for those quick, harsh assessments that you experience in spaces such as bars or on apps.

So my question for you: What's one interest or value you could use to find or create a more authentic connection?

Take care,

Daniel